October 5, 2012

Wow, have the last two months been a whirlwind.

A beautiful, emotional, amazing whirlwind.

Adjusting to having two children has been quite a task. But it is honestly going so much better than I could have expected.

I have done my best to truly enjoy it all. Despite the lack of sleep and the roller coaster of toddler emotions, it has been a great couple of months. I try to live in the moment. Notice the little things… the way a newborn smiles, the smell of her skin, the excitement in my son’s voice, the look on his face when he figures something out. The weight of a child in my arms, how different the two of them are but also how beautifully similar.

Grant amazes me. He is the sweetest little boy. He is so NICE to his sister. He is so patient when she needs my attention. His jealous moments are few and far between, and (so far) have still been met with patience. He genuinely seems to love his sister. It’s so cool to see this from a two year old.

He’s always been a sweet, cuddly little boy. But he’s also rambunctious and sassy. With his sister, however, he tones it down. He wants to hold her. He wants to hug her. He kisses her a hundred times a day. He says cute things like “Hi Greta!” and “Sister smiling!” and yesterday he held his hand up and said, “High five, sister!” (but it’s even cuter coming from his toddler voice… “greh-wa” and “sistah” are more like it).

Greta is finally starting to sleep better. Last night we hit an amazing milestone: she slept for 7 1/2 hours straight. I slept for 7 of those hours, although I did wake up at 5am in a panic and had to check to make sure she was still breathing. She was.

She is a little sweetheart. She has been fussier than Grant was, but still relatively easy. I have been lucky to have two kids who aren’t colicky and who calm down easily. I can take them anywhere as long as I wear them. Seriously, my Ergo is worth its weight in gold, as cliched as that sounds.

Greta wakes up smiling. She is in that sweet cooing stage right now. Grant gets a kick out of that. She adores him and he adores her. I knew I wanted kids close in age, and I was excited to see Grant as an older brother… but I am blown away at watching this sibling relationship develop.

Greta is only 2 months old, but she already has such a little personality coming out. I love when she smiles at me and then gets kind of bashful and excited, and turns her head away with a huge gummy grin.

I spent a few days last week sorting through outgrown kids clothes. Not much depresses me as much as that. I passed down a lot of my son’s baby/toddler clothes to my friend, who is expecting a boy this winter. I am way too nostalgic, I get really sentimental about him growing up and it makes me cry and I have a hard time with it sometimes. As much as I love watching him grow, it can be really difficult to let go. And now I’m facing these same issues and emotions with my daughter (who is already wearing some 6 month clothes, and is taking after her brother in rapidly outgrowing things).

A friend of mine posted on facebook the other night about wishing she could hold her kids as babies one last time. She asked those of us with young babies to give them an extra snuggle that night. I thought about that when Greta was up at 3am (and again at 5). It is so tiring, but it is so fleeting. Babies are so special. I’d give just about anything to have another day with Baby Grant. I wish holding them tight would keep them little.

But, of course, that’s not our job. Our job is to help them grow. Learn. Become big kids that turn into big people. Somehow, Greta seems to be growing even faster than Grant did (and that was too fast). I’m sure it’s because we live with a toddler and everything is go-go-go. I wish it would slow down.

Oh, these children. The days are long but the months and years and heartbreakingly short.

I understand my own mother so much more these days. How kids can break their mama’s hearts without knowing it. It isn’t their fault. They can’t help that childhood is such a short season.

I never knew I would love motherhood so much.


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