Let Go

August 3, 2011

I’ve been meaning to write.

I had wanted to do an “omg my son is a year old now” post on his actual birthday, then I got lazy, and then we lost Ginger. And now it’s been two and a half weeks. I still plan on writing it; when I look back at it, down the road, the time frame won’t really matter.

I just took a nap with Grant. He’s been making that transition into toddlerhood, and now I only get glimpses here and there of babyhood… when he’s nursing, or asleep. They are few and fleeting. I miss it, but I have processed it and accepted it. He is a handful now, but it’s so much fun! His personality is really shining.

As odd as it sounds, losing Ginger helped me come to terms with saying goodbye to babyhood. That might sound morbid, but I don’t mean it in a sad or sick way. But losing her two days after he turned one? While I was already having such a hard time with it? I was able to just grieve. And learn.

And while saying goodbye to Ginger was awful and incredibly hard for me, it also taught me a lot. It taught me how to let go. How to focus on memories while you move on. How to accept that we cannot hold on to the past. That we have to appreciate the days that we do have, and enjoy life. To appreciate things… people and dogs and memories and sunny days and warm beds and sunshine and good food. That we don’t get time back, but we can always change our approach.

Anyhow, so that nap with Grant. We just woke up a little while ago. And I woke up feeling oddly sad and nostalgic, a little bittersweet, even though I’m actually very happy. I can’t pinpoint what it is. Maybe it is just summer. I used to feel this way after a long weekend of horseshowing, and I’d finally be back home and I was sunburned and exhausted and happy but a little bit sad that it was over.

But I woke up feeling like… wow. Where is time going? Where is life going? It’s all happening too fast. I’m really realizing how much we just need to enjoy it.

Yesterday I read a beautiful quote: “Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.” [Annette Funicello]

I feel like I need to stencil it on the wall of a room in our house.

I’m feeling like I’m at a very good place in life. My marriage is the best it has been in a long time… we have been working on some issues, and communicating more, and loving each other more.

We are both trying to work on letting things go. Why be stressed out? Why miss out? We only get one go at this little thing called life. And we aren’t guaranteed a damn thing. So we can be uptight and get annoyed that our house is messy and we don’t have enough money and our son didn’t nap and yadda yadda yadda… or, we can have an open door policy at our house, and love more, and enjoy our family and friends and good times, and have a crazy house full of kids and dogs and dirt and laughter and screams and chaos and happiness.

So that’s where I am at, mentally. Letting things go. Realizing that I’m not perfect, and neither is life… but that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be. It is still amazing and wonderful and there are beautiful surprises around every corner.

And really, can anything not be cured by whole wheat raspberry pancakes, with fresh farmer’s market raspberries? And this smile?

Finally, as a nod to our good girl Ginger, we are doing a walk in September that benefits our local humane society. While we found her on the highway back in 2001, they are the ones that helped us make her legally ours (and where we got Kizzy from, too). We are walking in her memory… if you are at all interested in sponsoring us, please let me know and I will email you the link (I don’t want to make it public). Even $1 or $5 would help out. I would really appreciate it!

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